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Great Truths
from Small Children
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your
hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
It's hard to unlearn a bad word.
Ask Why until you understand.
It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.
A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.
It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher.
Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.
Twelve is a lot older than eight.
Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.
Some nights it's not worth fighting over who gets the top
bunk.
Don't expect your friends to be as excited about your
"100" as you are.
Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" unless
you're absolutely sure there's a slow kid behind you.
If you don't like the birthday girl, don't go to the
party.
Crawling still gets you there.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.
You can't start over just because you're losing the game
When you're dressed up like a princess, it's easier to act
like one.
If a tree had apples last year, don't expect pears this
year.
One drop of black paint from the brush clouds the whole
cup of water.
You can't be everyone's best friend.
A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.
All libraries smell the same.
Say grace.
If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.
Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished
studying.
Silence can be an answer.
Ask where things come from.
If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it
back.
Don't nod on the phone.
LONG HAIR
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked
his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the
use of the car. His father took him to his study and said
to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades
up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and
we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came
back and again asked his father if they could discuss use
of the car. They again went to the father's study where
his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You
have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible
diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know
Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had
long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and
even Jesus had long hair...." To which his father replied,
"Yes, and they walked every where they went!"
DC
A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two
weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a
letter requesting $100.00. When the postal authorities
received the letter to GOD, U.S.A., they decided to send it
to the President. The President was so impressed, touched,
and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy
$5.00. Mr. President thought that this would appear to be a
lot of money to the little boy. The little boy was delighted
with the $5.00 and immediately sat down to write a thank you
note to GOD that read: "Dear God, Thank you very much for
sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some
reason you had to send it through Washington, D.C., and, as
usual, those devil's deducted $95.00.
THE SISSY
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn
off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled
and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken
at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
THE BEAR
A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother
that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear
named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she
realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd
Bear,"
Our youth minister recently was sharing with the
children in "Children's Church". He began by asking
if anyone knew how to fish. One little girl raised
her hand and said she was a "professional
fisherman." He proceeded to ask her some questions.
"If you want to catch catfish, what bait do you
use?" She responded, "worms". Then he asked, "If you
want to catch bass, what do you use?" She replied,
"garlic". Everyone laughed. Then he asked, "Well,
what would you use if you wanted to catch a Baptist
Fish?"
Without hesitation she said, "fried chicken."
I questioned my 4-year-old daughter on how a
person gets saved. She answered that we will be
saved by going to our church every Sunday and
Wednesday.
When I told her that going to our church
wouldn't save us, she responded: "Well then, we
better find another church to go to!"
Adam's Suit
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible
with fascination, looking at the old pages as he
turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and
he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an
old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between
the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called
out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother
asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he
answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
GENUINE
I am active-duty Air Force and was deployed for a
few months. During my absence, my wife continued
to pack up the kids and head to church for every
service. One day while driving home, my young
daughter told my wife that she grabbed someone
else's Bible. My wife was sure she had her own,
but my daughter insisted it was not hers. She
said, "No, Mommy, the name is printed right here.
It says Jenine Cowhide." Turns out it was the back
of the Bible which actually read, "Genuine
Cowhide." My wife had to pull over she was
laughing so hard...
PRAYING THE LORDS PRAYER
We were teaching our 4 year old to say the Lord’s
prayer.
We would say a line and then prompt him to repeat it.
He did pretty well to keep up until we got to
“Lead us not into temptation.”
We are not sure whether he had not fully mastered the
language or
Whether he had not heard us properly but he responded:
“Lead us not into Playstation.”
How true.
GOD MAKING US
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap
as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she
would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch
his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her
own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long
time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a
little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it,
isn't he ?"
KILLING
A Sunday school teacher was
discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six
year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor
thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou
shall not kill."
Happiest Day of your life
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little
girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of
happiness, and today is the happiest day of her
life." The child thought about this for a moment, then
said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Jesus wanted me to take a big
piece
My 9yo son and I approached the altar and knelt down
to receive our grape juice and to take a piece of
bread from the loaf. My son took a huge piece of bread
off of the loaf. He had to take two or three bites to
get it down.
When we got back to the pew, I quietly scolded him.
I said to him "when you drink the juice there is no
need to hold the cup way up in the air...and you
didn't have to take such a large piece of bread...a
small piece is enough!"
He hung his head low for a minute. Then he looked
at me and with a sad face and puppy dog eyes and said,
"but Mommy, Jesus wanted me to take a big piece." With
that, I just hugged him and smiled.
Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her
class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was
instructed to bring in an object to share with the
class
that represented their religion. The first student got
up in front of the class and said, "My name is
Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of
David."
The second student got up in front of the class and
said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a
Rosary." The third student got in up front of the
class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and
this is a casserole."
Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly preacher for
Sunday dinner. While
they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the
minister asked their
son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are
you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom,
'Today is just as
good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"
Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My
six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we
bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great.
Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you
more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And
Liberty and justice for all! Amen!" submitted by
Deb R
Theology, Kid Style
Dear God,
please put another holiday between Christmas and
Easter. There is nothing
good in there now. Amanda
Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for
was a puppy. I never asked
for anything before. You can look it up.
Joyce
Dear Mr. God,
I wish you would not make it so easy for people to
come apart. I had to have 3
stitches and a shot. Janet
God,
I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will
tell me. Love,
Alison
Dear God,
is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses
his golf words in the house?
Anita
Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody
in the whole world. There
are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nancy
Dear God,
do not think anybody could be a better God than you.
Well, I just want
you to know that. I am not just saying that because
you are already God. Charles
Dear God,
it is great the way you always get the stars in the
right place. Why can't you
do that with the moon? Jeff
Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the
sunset you made on Tuesday
night. That was really cool.
Thomas
THE GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling
her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a
man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She
described the situation in vivid detail so her
students would catch the drama.
Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying
on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would
you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence
with......"I think I'd throw up!"
Out of the mouths of babes
After a church service on Sunday Morning, a young boy
suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided
to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay
with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said
the little boy, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up
and yell than to sit and listen!"
Parental Quates
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they
usually repeat word
for word what you shouldn't have said.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to
remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your
own.
Grandchildren are God's reward to you for not killing
your children.
Be nice to your kids... someday, they'll choose your
nursing home.
THE OFFERING
The Sunday School teacher was just finishing a
lesson on honesty.
"Do you know where little boys go if they don't put
their money in the collection plate?", the teacher
asked.
"Yes ma'am," a boy blurted out. "They go to the
movies."
A collection of Interesting facts revealed by
young people in Sunday school!
- The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a
ball of fire by night.
- Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of
the apostles.
- Unleavened bread is bread made without
ingredients.
- Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the
10 commandments.
- The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit
adultery."
- Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of
people who lived in Biblical times.
- The people who followed Jesus was called the 12
decibals.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
- Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another
name for marriage.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is
called monotony.
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