CHURCH NUMBERS
A senior Church Member kept noticing that the Church
Newsletter always had inflated statistics on attendance.
This is obviously to please the Bishop who will be reading
the material at the the Diocesan Office. One day he
decided to confront the Vicar on the issue. "Padre, this
statistics don't seem right - I'm quite sure last week's
attendance was only about 50 but you have put 110 ! How do
you explain that?
The Vicar calmly said 'My dear good man, don't you know we
worship with 'Angels and Arch-angels and ALL the company
of Heaven' ?
BAPTIST
SHOW AND TELL
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell"
assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an
object to share with the class that represented their
religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said,
"My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of
David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said,
"My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said,
"My name is Baptist". I am Methodist, and this is a
casserole."
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ACTUAL Church Bulletin Bloopers:
· Bertha Belch, a missionary from
Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial
Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha
Belch all the way from Africa.
· “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a
chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
· "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on
the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for
Jesus."
· "Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person you want remembered."
· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to conflict.
· The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the
Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.
· Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
· Thursday night will be a potluck supper. Prayer
and medication to follow.
· For those of you who have children and don't know
it, we have a nursery downstairs.
·A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.
·This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south
and north ends of the church. Children will be
baptized at both ends.
·Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at
the side entrance. |
COMFORTER
One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter
what the lesson was about. Her daughter answered "Don't be
scared, you'll get your quilts."
Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the
Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's
Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
THE DOLLAR BILL
A minister was asked by a
politician, "Name something the government can do to help
the church", the minister replied, "Quit making one dollar
bills."
GOD MOTIVATION
Everybody knew the roof was leaking, but the church kept
putting off replacement. Finally some areas of the ceiling
in the sanctuary began to sag. They called a congregational
meeting. A very wealthy member rose and pledged $300 toward
fixing the roof. Just then a small piece of the ceiling fell
and hit him on the head. Somebody in the back of the church
said, "Hit him again, Lord!"
THE LADY AND THE LEMON
The strongman at a circus squeezed the juice from a lemon
between his hands. He then said to the audience, "I will
offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze another
drop from this lemon. A thin scholarly looking woman came
forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed to
get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the woman and
asked, "What is the secret of your strength?" "Practice,"
the woman answered. "I was the treasurer of a BaptistChurch
for thirty-two years!
Church-Lite
Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you
weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite
Church of the Valley. Studies have shown we have 24% fewer
commitments. We trim off guilt as we are Low-Cal... low
Calvin, that is. We feature a 7.5% tithe, a 35 minute
worship service with 7 minute sermons. Next Sunday's sermon
is on the Feeding of 500.
Power of
Prayer?
A true story: the chairman of the Finance Committee declared
the meeting could not be convened for lack of quorum. He
asked one of the ministers present to lead in a prayer.
Tired of the lengthy meeting, the minister intended to help
the cause when he prayed: "Lord, we thank you for your Word
that says, 'where two or three are gathered in your name,
they have a quorum. . ." The meeting was promptly convened
with a full quorum!
Forgiveness?
A story is about old Jack and old John, two board members of
the First Church of Sheboygen, who were always at odds with
each other. They were constantly at each others' throat
especially in board meetings. When one of them said "yea,"
you could be assured that the other would say "nay."
So, one day old Jack dies and arrives at the pearly gate.
He notices how St. Peter asks everyone a question, before
they proceeded. When it was his turn, St. Peter said: "Hi
Jack, to see if you qualify for heaven, I need to ask you to
spell Jesus for me." "That's easy," says Jack, and goes:
"J-E-S-U-S." Peter said: "great, you're in, but could you do
me a small favor and take over here for a while; I just need
to check on something. I'llbe back"
Jack didn't mind and asked everyone in line to spell
Jesus. Just then, old John was coming through the line.
"What are you doing here?" asked old John. Said Jack; "O, I
am just filling in for St. Peter asking everybody to spell a
word before they can pass through." "O yeah, what's the
word?" asked John. After thinking for a moment Jack said:
"spell Albuquerque!"
What is your church preference?
While filling out an application for employment, the
applicant came to a query
which asked, "What is your Church Preference?"
The man, not being a person of extraordinary intelligence
thought the question
for some time because he really needed the job. He wanted to
impress the
employer and answered very confidently, "I prefer a red
brick church."
What denomination circulates in your church?
A gathering of folding money of various denominations was
chatting about all the places they had recently been. The
1000 Dollar bill said that he had been traveling all over
the world: Rio, Spain, France, and back to the USA. The 100
Dollar bill said he had been to the gambling boats:
Shreveport,Vicksburg, Baton Rouge. The 1 Dollar bill said
it had been travelling from church to church to church!
A variation of the above joke
20 dollar Bill
A 100 dollar bill, a 20 dollar bill, and a one dollar bill
meet up at the shredder at the end of their lives. The 100
says, "I've seen the whole world during my lifetime. Why,
I've been on cruises in Caribbean, safaris in Africa, and
vacations in Europe." The 20 says, "Well, I've not done
quite as well, but I have been to Atlantic City, Disneyland,
and Starbucks." They both turn to the one dollar bill and
ask, "How about you?" The one, not wanting to be outdone,
says, "I've seen the whole country as well. I've been from
church to church to church..." Then the 100 asked, "What's
a church?"
Which Service?
A young girl observed some plaques on the wall of the church
building and asked her mother: "Mum who are those people?
Whose names are on the wall?" to which mum replied: "They
are the people who died in the service." Immediatley came
the retort: "did they die In the morning or the evening
service?"
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The
Perfect Pastor
....The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10
minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts
anyone's feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until
midnight, and is also the church janitor.
....The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good
clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and
donates $30 a week to the parish. He is 29 years old
and has 40 years' worth of experience. Above all, he
is handsome.
....The Perfect Pastor has a burning desire to work
with teen-agers, and he spends most of his time with
the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a
straight face because he has a sense of humor that
keeps him seriously dedicated to his parish. He makes
15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be
handy when needed.
....The Perfect Pastor always has time for parish
council and all of it's committees. He never misses
the meeting of any parish organization, and is always
busy evangelizing the unchurched.
....The Perfect Pastor is always in the next parish
over!
If your pastor does not measure up, simply send
this notice to six other parishes that are tired of
their pastor too. Then bundle up your pastor and send
him to the parish at the top of your list. If
everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1,
643 pastors. One of them should be perfect.
Have faith in this letter. One parish broke the
chain and got its' old pastor back in less than three
months. |
An impoverished old man applied for membership in a rich
church. The pastor attempted to put him off with all kinds
of evasive remarks. The old man, becoming aware that he was
not wanted, finally said that he would pray on it. Several
days later he returned. "Well," asked the pastor, "did the
Lord give you a message?" Yes Sir, he did" was the old
man's answer. "He told me it wasn't any use. He said,
'I've been trying to get in that same church myself for ten
years, and I still can't make it.'"
The Tate Family Do you know how many members of the Tate
family belong to your family or church?
There is old man Dic-Tate who wants to run everything,
while Uncle Ro-Tate tries to change everything. There's
sister Agi-Tate who stirs up plenty of trouble, with help
from her husband, Irri-Tate. Whenever new projects are
suggested, Hesi-Tate and his wife, Vege-Tate, want to wait
until next year. Then there is Aunt Imi-Tate, who wants our
church to be like all the others. Devas-Tate provides the
voice of doom, while Poten-Tate wants to be a big shot. But
not all members of the family are bad. Brother Facili-Tate
is quite helpful in church matters. And a delightful, happy
member of the family is Miss Felici-Tate. Cousins Cogi-Tate
and Medi-Tate always think things over and lend helpful,
steady hands. And of course there is the black sheep of the
family, Ampu-Tate, who has completely cut himself off from
the church. How about it - do you know anyone in the "Tate"
family?
A 100, a 20, and a one pound / dollar bill meet at the
shredder at the end of their lives. The 100 says, "I've been
on cruises in Caribbean, safaris in Africa, and vacations in
Europe." The 20 says, "I have been to Atlantic City,
Disneyland, and Starbucks." They both turn to the one dollar
bill and ask, "How about you?" The one said: "I've seen the
whole country as well. I've been from church to church to
church..."
Two small boys were a constant problem for the pastor,
and the parents did nothing to correct them. So the pastor
asked his assistant, if the boys were disruptive at the
morning service, to take them to his office and have them
wait for him. Sure enough the boys showed up with their
usual vigor. After a short while of talking and laughing
and making airplanes out of bulletins, the assistant took
the boys to the pastors office. When the pastor came after
the service he took little Billy in the office with him and
asked, "Billy, do you know where God is?"(wanting him to
realize he was in God's house). Billy didn't even look up
and remained silent. "Billy do you know where God is?" the
pastor repeated. "Billy I'm going to ask you one more time,
Do you know..." Billy jumped up , ran out the door, grabbed
his buddy and yelled "Lets get out of here!" They ran all
the way to Billy's house, into his bedroom, and Billy began
to pack his clothes. His buddy asked him, "What did the
preacher say?" Billy said, "God is missing and he thinks we
know where he is!!"
The drought in Georgia has begun to affect our different
communities of faith in different ways. The Baptists have
taken up sprinkling....the Methodists are using damp cloths
to baptize... and the Presbyterians are giving out
rainchecks.
[MS in GA]
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE READING YOUR BIBLE ENOUGH:
10) The Preacher announces the sermon is from Galatians
... and you check the table of contents.
9) You think Abraham, Isaac & Jacob may have had a few
hit songs during the 60's.
8) You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond
falls out.
7) Your favorite Old Testament Patriarch is Hercules.
6) A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in
the Psalms of your Bible.
5) You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't
listed in either the Concordance or the Table of Contents.
4) Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you
demand: "Who gave you this stuff?"
3) You think the Minor Prophets worked in the quarries.
2) You keep falling for it every time when Pastor tells
you to turn to First Condominiums.
And the number one sign you may not be reading your Bible
enough:
1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your
usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of
Many Colors."
AS SEEN ON CHURCH BULLETIN BOARDS:
"People are like tea bags--you have to put them in hot
water before you know how strong they are." *** "Dusty
Bibles lead to dirty lives." *** "God so loved the world
that He did NOT send a committee." *** "How will you spend
eternity? Smoking or Non-smoking?" *** "Come work for the
Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is
low, but the retirement benefits are out of this world!" ***
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." ***
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
FRIENDS
While leading our worship service a short while back, I
got to the second verse of "What a Friend we Have in Jesus."
Instead of singing "Have we trials and temptations I made
the mistake of booming out, "Are we trials and temptations."
Said the new seminary graduate to the old preacher: "In
order to effectively instruct the masses; it is incumbent
upon us that we in a most articulative austeludicating
fashion; rightly disseminate the word of truth. In order to
avoid the presence of phsycological processing and
theoretical reasoning. Which only capitulates to
philosophicative conclusiveness and diminishes one's
assidous approach to the charismatic overview of the the
divine HOLY WRIT; which in the end, ultimately leads to
spiritual interposition and characteristic nullification in
the Christianic life......" Said the old preacher to the
seminary graduate: "In other words, what you are saying is;
if we don't go to Bible Study, we'll be too smart to know
how dumb we really are."
Rev. V.E.Jennings Sr. Austin/San Antonio Tx
A Methodist Preacher arrived at his new church and
discovered that it had "old bats" hanging on the pitched
ceiling. He called someone to ask what should he do with
them and they explained, that if he should put them all in a
bag and drive them out to the country and let them go, he
would be rid of them. The Preacher did just that, but he got
back to the church, the "old bats" were waiting on the
doorsteps to be let in. The Preacher also tried two other
things that didn't work. So one day he saw the Baptist
preacher from down the street and he asked him if he had
ever had a problem with "old bats" in his church. The
Baptist Preacher said, "I use to, but I baptized them and
confirmed them and they haven't been back since."
Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed
and the devil decides to pay a visit.
The doors burst open, and a roiling black cloud rolls in
with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and
run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the
Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.
Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and
says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you
are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and
you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why
didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"
The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls,
"Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been
married to your sister for 36 years!"
The 2000 member church was filled to overflowing capacity
one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the
sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black
hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church
while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both
then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic
weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "EVERYONE WILLING TO
TAKE A BULLET FOR JESUS STAY IN YOUR SEAT!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir loft.
The deacons ran out the door.
After a few moments, there were about 20 people left
sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in
the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to > the
preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now.
You may begin the service."
A SAVED BEAR
A man went on a nature walk. A bear began to chase him,
so he climbed a tree. As he was climbing he slipped down
into the bear's arms. He prayed "Lord let this be a
Christian bear." The bear said "Lord thank you for this
food."
THREE HIMS
Before taking the offering the pastor announced that the
church had several unexpected expenses in the last month.
She encouraged everyone to make a significant offering that
morning, and as extra incentive she said that whoever gave
the most that day would get to pick three hymns. When the
ushers brought the offering forward there was a thousand
dollar bill on the top of the plate. The pastor asked the
donor to please come forward. After a brief pause an older
woman came forward absolutely beaming. The pastor thanked
her profusely and then reminded her that she was entitled to
pick three hymns. Without hesitation she pointed at three
handsome young men and said, "I pick him, and him, and him.
WENT YOU GET YOU HELL
There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of
traveling for her business, so naturally she did a lot of
flying. Flying made her extremely nervous, so she always
took her Bible along with her to read since it helped relax
her on the long flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her
pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle, smirked and
went back to what he was doing. After a while, he turned to
her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in
there do you?" The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is
the Bible." He said, "Well, what about the guy that was
swallowed by the whale?" She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I
believe that, it is in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do
you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The
lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get
to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?"
the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him,"
replied the lady.
FICKLE CHURCH MEMBERS
A man was stranded on a deserted island. Years passed
before he was finally discovered. When the rescue party
came ashore, the man expressed his gratitude and told them
how he had survived alone for so many years. The rescue
party was suspicious. One of the party stated, "No one
could live on this island alone for that long a time." "But
it's true," the man said, "Come a see where I lived."
When the rescue party arrived at his residence, they saw
three huts. "Ah Hah!" They said, "Here is evidence that you
are not alone." "No," said the man, "let me exlpain.
This first hut is where I lived all these years, and the
third hut is where I attended church." "What then is the
the second hut?" they inquired. "Oh," said the man,
"That's where I used to go to church."
CHURCH LIGHT
Now available! REVISED GOSPEL HYMNS for today's
generation of modern churchgoers. The old favorites can now
be sung without guilt, conviction, or discomfort. Hundreds
of your old favorites made comfortable. Some of the titles
include: "Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound" "Lord,
Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word" "Praise God from
whom All Affirmations Flow" "Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me"
"When Peace, Like a Trickle" "We Give Thee but Still Think
We Own" "What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus" "We Are
Milling Around in the Light of God" "Blest Be the Tie that
Doesn't Cramp My Style" "I Surrender Some" "Standing on the
Premises" "Sweet Minute of Prayer" "Blessed Insurance" "Come
We That Like the Lord" "Onward, Social Workers" "Avoid the
Good Fight" "The Gold-Plated Cross" "Some for Jesus" "I Have
My Own Way" and the all-time children's favorite: "I Love
Me"
You cannot stay in Bed
One Sunday morning a mother was getting ready for church
when she noticed her son wasn't up yet. She finally went in
to wake him up. "Come on, get up...you'll miss church!" she
said. "No, I don't want to go!" came the reply from her son
as he buried his head under the pillow. "Yes, you have to
get up for church, "the mother coaxed. "No, I am not going
to church. And I'll give you two reasons. Number 1 Nobody
likes me and Number 2 I don't like them." The mother put her
hands on her hips and replied indignantly, "Well you ARE
going to church and I'll give you two reasons why you are
going: Number 1 You are 45 years old, and number 2 You are
the pastor!"
Missouri Humor
You might be in a Missouri country church if...
1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call to Worship is "Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take
up the offering", and five guys stand up.
5. The restrooms are outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an
official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive
truck because, "I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get
me out of.
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one
pledge of "two calves."
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its
pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
The Great Substitute Organist
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was
going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to
come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs
to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find
that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been
brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know
what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But
you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said,
"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof
repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need
$4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The
Star-Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became
the regular organist!
THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH:
Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew! I was so
enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25
minutes. Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable
than golf. I've decided to give our church the $500.00 a
month I used to send to TV evangelists. I volunteer to be
the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School
class. Forget the denominational minimum salary: let's pay
our pastor so s/he can live like we do. I love it when we
sing hymns I've never heard before! Since we're all here,
let's start the worship service early! Pastor, we'd like to
send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas. Nothing
inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual
stewardship campaign!
Now available! REVISED GOSPEL HYMNS for today's
generation of modern churchgoers. The old favorites can now
be sung without guilt, conviction, or discomfort. Hundreds
of your old favorites made comfortable. Some of the titles
include: "Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound" "Lord,
Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word" "Praise God from
whom All Affirmations Flow" "Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me"
"When Peace, Like a Trickle" "We Give Thee but Still Think
We Own" "What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus" "We Are
Milling Around in the Light of God" "Blest Be the Tie that
Doesn't Cramp My Style" "I Surrender Some" "Standing on the
Premises" "Sweet Minute of Prayer" "Blessed Insurance" "Come
We That Like the Lord" "Onward, Social Workers" "Avoid the
Good Fight" "The Gold-Plated Cross" "Some for Jesus" "I Have
My Own Way" and the all-time children's favorite: "I Love
Me"
Bulletin Bloopers:
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items
to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make
calls on people who are not afflicted with any church
Evening massage - 6 PM
The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for
pancake breakfast next Sunday morning
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of
the recession
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
Ushers will eat latecomers
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without
musical accomplishment
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight
of the audience
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which
the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied
our pulpit
A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning
service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible
Experience."
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service
will be discontinued until further notice.
Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
The music for today's service was all composed by George
Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of
his birth
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church
and community.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the church basement noon Friday at 7 PM. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.
Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who
labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell
upon her.
Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting
held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening.
Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows
Why.
Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from
a full choir
Hymn 43: "Great God, What Do I See Here?" Preacher: The
Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! An Awful Voice Is
Sounding"
(on a church bulletin during the minister's ilness) GOD
IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better
Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow
Don't let worry kill you off--let the church help
The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and
11
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
secretary
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of
some older ones
The choir invites any member of the congregation who
enjoys sinning to join the choir
Please join us as we show our suport for Amy and Alan in
preparing for the girth of their first child
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large
double door at the side entrance
Let Her walk
The visiting preacher was really getting the congregation
moving. Near the end of his sermon he said this church has
really got to walk to which someone in the back yelled, "let
her walk preacher" The preacher then said if this church is
going to go it's got to get up and run to which someone
again yelled with gusto, "let her run preacher." Feeling the
surge of the church, the preacher then said with even louder
gusto, "if this church is going to go it's got to really
fly" and once again with ever greater gusto, someone yelled,
"let her fly preacher, let her fly." The preacher then
seized the moment and stated with even greater gusto, "if
this church is really going to fly it's going to need money"
to which
someone in the back yelled, "let her walk preacher, let
her walk."
Mercies of God
First Member: I thought the sermon
was divine. It reminded me of the peace of God. It passed
all understanding.
Second Member: It reminded me of the mercies of God. I
thought it would endure forever.
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